Respect and Leadership

 

We have been talking a lot about encouraging the men in our church to lead their families Biblically, including discipling them.  As we have discussed this, one thing I keep thinking about is how much we have disrespected men in the last several decades.  It is no wonder they don’t want to lead.  They are continually told they are chauvinist or domineering if they try.  There are even women who will get angry with a man for opening the door for her.  Our culture does not want strong, godly men.  

But how does that play out in my own home?  I definitely do not consider myself a feminist.  I am very traditional in my views of gender roles.  But does that show itself in my attitude and actions towards my husband, or have I been more influenced by the culture than I thought?  Lately, I am convicted that the later is true.  1 Peter 3:1-4 says, “In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear. Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on garments; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible quality of a lowly and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”

How many of us work towards “a lowly and quiet spirit”?  Our culture tells us that we need to be strong women.  There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman, but that strength needs to be harnessed in obedience to God, not allowed to run all over everyone around us.   Most of the time, ladies, we try to be “strong” at the expense of our husbands.  Maybe, instead of handling everything ourselves, we need to remember that we were designed to be our husband’s helpmate, not the other way around.  We have a very important job, ladies.  Titus 2:3-5 says, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may instruct the young women in sensibility: to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be slandered.”

Notice, in 1 Peter and in Titus, why we need to behave as God intends.  First, so our husbands can be won to the Lord.  Sometimes, looking back, I’m pretty sure I have done a fair amount of damage to my husband’s walk with the Lord because I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to be doing. Secondly, we are reverent, sensible, and so on, “so that the word of God will not be slandered”.  We have a responsibility to represent God well.  If the Bible says we need to be doing something (or not doing something), then that is what needs to happen no matter what the culture says.  That starts in my home.  It starts with each moment with my family.  

So, do I want my husband to lead our family?  Do I want other men to step up for their families?  Absolutely.  But that is never going to happen if we as women try to force the issue.  We can’t badger our spouses into obedience.  God tells us exactly how to behave.  He tells us exactly what our role is in our families.  Let’s give our husbands the environment they need to be able to do what they are supposed to be doing by focusing on the planks in our own eyes rather than their specks.  We have the power to create an environment that encourages, respects, and helps.  Let’s do it.