The Small Branch

I haven't blogged in a while because I have been on my usual roller coaster ride. I'm not talking about life being crazy hectic, although it is, I'm talking about the spiritual roller coaster. Some days, I feel God's presence in an awesome way. Other days, I feel like I am wandering around in the dark. I was praying about it this week and it hit me - I am always focusing on my position and that is where my problem lies. Last week we were looking at Deuteronomy 12,13, and 26 in our CBS class. One of the main themes of these chapters is worship. We talked a lot about how to worship - not just on Sunday mornings, but with our lives. I love it when God uses His Word to speak to us! It hit me, I was (and am, as I struggle) pridefully focusing on me and what I need to do to get close to God when all I need to do is focus on God and then I am close to Him. So when I start focusing on me and where I am and what I am doing, I am starting to fill that with praise songs and prayer...

Wow! I have nothing profound to say or even think. I remember why we do school year around - so we can take frequent breaks. Every other school year I have just tried to average 15 days a month and been content. But last year, I worked hard in the fall, expecting to move near the end of the school year. Of course, that didn't happen. So we ended up taking a longer than usual summer break (sort of) and started our school year with August 1. We have been going full tilt since then. Obviously, that is more than 15 school days in August - actually, it is 23 days. Why am I pushing? Once again, a move at some point in this school year is hanging over us. I think I am going nuts. We are going to have to do shorter periods of intensity. No one seems to be able to handle this! Next week - a shortened week. Then - a whole week off!

This week we are having VBS at our home (we don't have a church building). People keep asking me how I am handling the stress and I have to admit, I'm not the slightest bit stressed about it. Oh, I was, earlier in the summer, about a few things. But now, nope, not a bit. God gave me a great picture as to why that is, and I want to share it. In the first half of the last century and previous to that time, when a boy "liked" a girl, he would meet her at her house in the morning and carry her books to school for her. That is what Jesus does for us every day. He meets us at the doorway of our awakening and willingly takes all our "books" and carries them for us. We know He is going the right way, so we just gaze lovingly at Him and listen and walk along with Him. He is carrying our "books", so it is no big deal for us. He is leading the way, so we don't have to pay attention to anything but Him. We just have to choose to give Him our ...

Not that I think there are that many who read this, but, . . . I'm still here. Still here in Columbia,SC. Still waiting to find out our next assignment. Knowing that the time is ticking and the job is finishing here. Knowing that we have to move somewhere - staying here only happens without a job and we don't feel that is likely (yet). I am not a patient waiter. Perhaps that is why I find myself having to wait so much. Perhaps God is once again sanding away at my impatience. If you've been reading this, you know that it was almost a year ago that we first had moving preparations beginning. We were so excited!! Then, as you know, that didn't happen. Nothing else seems nearly so exciting. Nothing else seems to be the right fit. I can't help this nagging feeling (maybe just hope?) that we will eventually end up in the great north, but how is a much larger mystery than ever. I always think about Joseph and how long he had to wait for his dreams to be ful...

I keep meaning to post on this, but in all my abundant free time, I keep forgetting (can you feel the sarcasm?) A few weeks ago, as I was trying to deal with my down in the dumps moods of late, I was lamenting all the mistakes I make with my kids and all the horrible ways they could be messed up because of them. I am trying to learn to pray through these moods and issues, because I know these reminders are from Satan, not the Lord, so I shouldn't be dwelling on them. This time, the Lord spoke to me in a beautiful way. I had been thinking about the fact that God knew the mistakes I was going to make, the sin that was going to plague me, before He went to the cross for those very sins. This time, He twisted that a little for me to help me understand that He knew what mistakes I was going to make before He gave me the children He wanted me to have. He knew those mistakes. He knew those ways that the mistakes would affect the kids. He knew it all. But still He chose to bless me with fo...

Last night, we had a thunderstorm. Yes, we ended up with all four kids sleeping in our room (3 on the bed with me and 1 on the floor with Daddy!). It was not a very restful night. But this morning, in true 5 year old form, I get the rosy outlook - "Mommy, last night God got a lot of strikes, didn't He? And Satan didn't get any. Not even a spare!" I love kids!!

OK, it has been a while since I blogged, but today I am feeling a little inspired. I am struggling mightily, again. Guilt. All the mistakes of the past. All the mistakes of the present. Guilt. I was listening to some music this morning, trying to focus on praise, when a song came on talking about how much I was forgiven. And grace washed over me, again. I am forgiven. Right there in the laundry room, while folding to mountains of clothes, I said it, out loud - "Go away, Satan, and take your guilt with you! I am forgiven, and that is all there is to it!" Peace. Followed quickly by my usual need to find a friend of my childhood. I do some googling, again. Maybe success this time, maybe not. But why do I have this terrible need to keep looking to people of my past? What am I clinging to? What am I running from? This week is a restful break. Don't get me wrong, there is still work to do. But instead of having school, we are just going to do some cleaning and relax a little. Y...